3.12. What a Mess!

Roisin –

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What the plum was I thinking that night?!

Frankly, things got awkward between Tony and I. I had not been contacting him, and neither did he. I mean, callous as we both are, it was impossible to dismiss everything as a non event. Like it or not, we would always be reminded of it.

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I knew it was a mistake the morning after. I knew Tony sneaked out in the dead of night. I didn’t bother giving him a piece of mind. It was just one silly night of passion that I wanted to write off. Neither of us was ready to talk about it.

But little I knew it was a mistake I had to live with, for the rest of my life.

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***

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Daddy was really upset when I told him about the divorce. He told me to get a grip on my life. Honestly, that was not what I was expected to hear. Or I wouldn’t have told them. In fact I knew I had made some less-than-wise decisions, but at that point, they were as good as I could get. And I wouldn’t say I regretted them. In fact, it was it that brought me a billion without having to lift a finger. I supposed it was where we couldn’t see eye to eye.

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Seriously I wasn’t prepared to go home and face their scorn once more. But this time, I had no choice. My tummy was burgeoning by the day and I couldn’t let anyone get wind of it, especially the paparazzi that seemed to have nothing better to report on. I knew how vicious they were, and I could not afford to let my reputation tainted by scandals. I was so close to the top. Nobody could stop me.

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I thrived basking in the spotlight, but now I had to shun it for nine months. Nine months less of attention. My parents weren’t speaking to me properly either. It was awful. Suddenly I felt like an inch tall. I wasn’t the confident, powerful socialite anymore, but a silly schoolgirl that had screwed up her life badly.

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I made a few calls, to get the baby registered as Riona’s. Officially he would be Riona’s child, with an unidentified father. I would be the baby’s aunt, and had adopted by sister’s child as far as the news would go. It wasn’t the best decision really, but it was the best I could do to take responsibility while keeping my neck off the block. I could not afford to have my face blazoning on the tabloids coupled with an equally scandalous headline.

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Sometimes I felt I could sense Riona’s presence, stalking me around the house. And one night I thought I saw her ghost, standing in front of me, all smouldering and all ominous. I thought I saw her glaring at me, as if accusing me of tarnishing her reputation. The expression was menacing. It sent a chill down my spine. What are ghosts? I didn’t know if it was really a supernatural entity, or perhaps just my imagination. I blinked hard. Several times. And the ghost vanished.

Although I was so bothered in the days to come that I hired a medium and laid her spirit to rest. The encounter creeped me to no end.

Or perhaps it was my conscience manifesting. Conscience? What is conscience? Do I have a conscience?

At times, I was gripped by my guilt for making the decision. Which mother would do that to her child? However, I knew I had to dismiss the self-reproachment if I wanted to establish myself further in society. It was for his own good really. I established those connections so his future would be a breeze. He never knew how hard it was having to toil over a handful of simoleons and I didn’t want him to experience that. I wanted him to have the best life could offer. And if I had to refrain from acknowledging our relationship, so be it.

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