3.13. A Confession

Roisin –

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Tony was enchanting. Perhaps it was out of vulnerability that I fell for him. Getting out of a divorce was not as easy as I presumed to be. And Dan was not letting me see my children as much as I wished. So I called Tony. He always get things done. Subconsciously he became someone I could trust.

At that moment, I thought he was my prince. He was everything I wished for. He had me weak on my knees. A rather silly feeling honestly.

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And there was no other motive getting close to him. I just wanted love. It was very unlike those times with Dan…

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I admit I was drawn to Dan for his money. At that time it was what I was in a dire need of. Somehow he became a pawn for my revenge.

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I didn’t know about my feelings back then. And I always thought he was after a trophy wife too. I didn’t have time to care either. I was in a bad place after dropping out of college and I needed him to ascend into society. Whatever the cost.

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Looking back, there were indeed tender moments. Moments that showed he truly cared about me as a person, and not a trophy wife. On hindsight, I might be too blinded by my schemes to notice that.

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After the divorce, I realized I might have feelings for Dan after all. But it was a pity those feelings came too late.

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As for Tony, I didn’t regret that night. It had been too long that I had last experienced passion. And to be honest, he was a great lover. I never felt such fieriness in me before.

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I thought of cutting him out totally. I had no time for love. I needed to cement my position in High Society. Status. That was what I’m after. Being invincible was great. Having people grovelling at my feet was great. I was determined to achieve that.

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However, I was all alone when I experienced severe contractions. Truthfully, I didn’t let anyone close to me for fear of scandal erupting. But it was awful to be alone. And it was when I realised I needed someone by my side. Someone there for me. I felt so alone. Alone, helpless… I really hated that feeling.

It was when I decided to pick up the phone and call Tony. Admittedly I was going against my pride, but whatever. I hated being alone. And I wanted Tony in my life.

***

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It was a clandestine rendezvous. I didn’t know why but I didn’t want people finding out. Which meant there were so much sneaking around…

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And dim, shady places. But we didn’t care. I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with him.

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I never experienced love like this before.

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He was irresistible. We could talk about mundane things one moment and be all over each other the next.

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He was a marvellous lover. And for once, I thought I had fallen in love.

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However, it was ephemeral, like all good times. Months later, Tony left a letter by my bedside one day, saying he had to leave. Honestly, I did feel a little sad, but somehow it was as if I had anticipated it all along. Love is dead. I didn’t believe love to last forever.

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But I was glad I got to enjoy it while it lasts…

And I had someone to remind me of him.

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