Content warning: A few swear words in between, and subject may be sensitive to some.
Sometimes it is unbelievable how fast time passes, without you even realizing it. Even my little sister Gia got married now. I still vividly remember our wild days, where we would sneak out at night to go clubbing..
All in all, I’m really proud of her. And to think she finally found the One that she loves, and loves her back. They’re really a match made in heaven I think. 🙂
That was the highlight of my week.
I hate to admit this, but things between Lucielle and I wasn’t great. Even at the wedding, I think you could practically cut the tension between us with a knife. Though fortunately, everyone else was too busy being happy for Gia to notice.
I don’t want my family to notice. Especially mama. Else she would question non stop, no doubts about that.
I thought about it, long and hard, of what possibly went wrong between us. I mean, if we really couldn’t stand each other, we wouldn’t have gotten married right? Was it my fault? Have I changed? Or…?
Perhaps there was some truth to the old saying that time brings out a person’s true colors. And probably I was just starting to experience it.
There was just too many issues we could never see eye to eye. Even seemingly mundane problems like the nanny.
Like just this morning I overheard Lucielle firing our 10th (or is it 15th?) nanny. We’d been going through nannies like diapers. It would be a surprise if any one of them stayed longer than say 3 months? I think we would probably have been long blacklisted from hiring nannies if not for our background.
And to be frank, I was getting sick of her complaints of “where are all the good nannies??!”
Arabella was our daughter, and shouldn’t it be our responsibility to raise her? I tried breaching the subject to her a couple of times now, of you know, actually taking care of our child, but she was never receptive. Often she stomped off, leaving me secretly fuming. I never thought she would be self-obsessed like that.
You know, if she had spent less time in front of the mirror, that would be great.
I felt the only thing that kept our relationship together all these while was our bedroom routine. But somehow, I felt even that was slowly slipping away from us.
Like at first, we would probably kiss and make up soon after we argued. But along the way, we somewhat chose to pent up our anger and let it grow. I began to have doubts what if even our physical attraction faded away too? Would our relationship still hold?
At times I really hated to lash out. But somehow, I didn’t know how else to get her attention, or you know, get her to actually give a f*ck about things.
“Lucielle?” I asked as she stood in front of the mirror, preening herself. Seeing her dressed up like that, I instantly knew she was going to attend one of those stupid social events, again. Mama had lived the life of party, socializing with those “upper-class” ladies that all secretly hated each other. I mean, birds of a feather flock together right?
It was almost hard to recall the last time that she wasn’t out all night. This time I could no longer hold back my irritation. Why couldn’t she give an actual f*ck about our daughter instead of leaving her to the nannies?
“Nancy agreed to stay overnight today. I’m sure she’ll do a good job right?”
Seriously, I lost it. To think she could be so indifferent.
“FOR F*CK SAKE, SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER!” I screamed. I admit I lost my marbles this time. I didn’t know how long I had let my wrath store.
Her eyes narrowed. “Lance, you know I promised Roisin right? I need my social life too.” For once I really didn’t know how to refute her. Or perhaps, I couldn’t be bothered doing so.
“SUIT YOURSELF!” I screamed after her as she stalked off.
“You bitch!” I screeched as my hand flew to her face. At that point when she pressed her lips against his, whatever little sanity I had remained was lost. My mind was clouded with rage and I didn’t know what was I doing. I lost control over myself. I never wanted to hit her. I used to condemn hitting women, but call me a hypocrite this time for I was too blinded by my anger. I just felt so betrayed. To think I had all along trusted her with my heart. And I couldn’t think of other ways to let out steam you know? It was almost too cruel for me to witness first hand. And definitely way beyond acceptable. To think my wife, MY WIFE had the audacity to do things behind my back.
“I… can explain…” She pleaded. But I refused to hear anything coming from her. Admittedly, even the sight of her repulsed me. It was almost like, she was too grotesque for me to even look.
“What?! You son of a bitch Lance! Did you ever, I mean ever care about my feelings?”
“Whatever you say. We’re through, that’s it.” I hissed coldly.